天堂不是妄想。

叶落时，它在时光的深处停留。

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

事儿一堆。有的没的，自找的。

终于倒了。

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

倒叙。

 

**************************************************************************

 

ED在电话里怯生生地问：“你还好吧？”

一早已精疲力竭的我回：“恩。说吧。什么事？”

 

 

ED：＂___ __ __----++++########!!&&&&##@@@@!!＂

我：＂No. !!!!!!!!!!!!!NNN&&&&&&&!!!!!!!!!!!!!!&&&&&&&&!!!!!!!!!!!!!!＂

 

 

ED：＂_______ ＿＿＿－－－－＿＿＿＿@@@@@@@@@@@@################＂

我：＂ !!!!!!!!!!!!!No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NNNNNNNNN&&&&&&!!!!!!!!!!!!!!＂

 

 

累极了。第一次毫不妥协地拒绝被忽悠。拒绝变成利益斗争的牺牲品。

这不靠谱的年代。

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

A命B彻查某项目。

B似吃错了药，一改之前谦卑的样儿指着一个似是而非的问题对我傲慢无礼。我忍着。

边解释可能的原因，边翻看工作记录，竟然找不到任何相关信息。一时怀疑起自己的记性。

 

 

再核对文件版本后缀时才知根本与我无关。所谓出错的部分是A负责创建的。

我“请”A察看系统记录和相关文件，“请”他说明错误原因。

A极小声地忽悠了一句，显然不承认是错误。

 

 

等B大摇大摆地喝完茶回来。

我把问题再解释了一遍，附上一句：详情请问A，这部分不是我做的。

B顿时变脸：＂OK.OK.OKOKOK....＂

 

 

这不靠谱的年代。

 

             

        (日光下竟是粉紫的。夜里的灯光一揉就成了“花痴”里的鲜红。）

***************************************************************************

 

 

下午５点半。

老板坐到我桌边：“怎么还没回去？１０个多小时了，留着点事儿周一再忙。”

。。。

 

 

这不靠谱的年代。

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Ｇ电问，５０朵是不是给我添麻烦了。

我哭。要不再麻烦Arena的人帮我直接把花栽后院吧。

 

 

谢谢。

这不靠谱的年代。别当真。

 

 

****************************************************************************

 

 

AA打趣说，事儿堆得高才好，要不我掉书堆里枯死。

凑近又问，昨儿你桌下那一大盒子是花吧？他好sweet哦。

。。。

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

50朵。

该如何是好。

 

 

花瓶。酒瓶。

颠来倒去。

花痴了我。

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

岁月静好。霜雪颠簸。

心 和了冰镇。困意泛滥。

电影醒着。

 

 

09了。就快归一了。

佛门谁兼职？“非诚勿扰”。

小祖宗睡着。

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

闲适慢慢滋生。

如蚕丝裹着历历目目。

却暖暖平意。

 

 

CD依旧，茶依旧。
笔依旧。

而字。懒在怀里。

 

 

每个清晨。

都很美。

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

日子忽忽而过。人却慢悠起来。
懒的出门，连听Mozart专场的票也转送了。


吃完最后一颗爆米花，半躺在沙发上翻Oscar Wilde。
CD里响起了Bach的某只钢琴协奏。
迷糊着有马兰头、白枣、荠菜馄饨、苋菜面疙瘩吃的儿时光景......


睡睡醒醒。还剩半瓶WKD时，嫩白的月已爬上深秋的树梢。
正好，乘会儿凉，回些个email和missed call。
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

周末小记。

于苏格兰海边小镇Dunoon。

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A perfect day.
Sure, there would not be any perfect day exactly in vivid life.
But if you insist, it is just the day worthy to be recorded.
With a cup of wine close to be finished,
I am now trying to record this perfect day.

 

 

After devoting myself to hard work during these months, there are so much more hungers to be professional in my career and wise with humors in daily life. Yet I left off all the temptations and slept till around 12 when the sky is so nicely bright blue. Summer is gone without doubt but this country seems to be possessed by the autumn of Athena, full of tremendous favor of tranquil harmonies. This is what I’ve realized I really expect for, although I’ve never been dreamed of leaving Shanghai, my lovely hometown for long.

 

 

It was half past seven in the fresh morning when I woke up as usual, with very amazing dream bearing in mind. I decided to spoil myself with a longer sleep since the short holiday was just to begin. What a pity that I couldn’t remember a corner of that wonderful dream, even though I mentioned the last bit that I could recall to lovely little Ss this noon online.

 

 

When opening my eyes again, it was my African Darcy sweetly shining by the window with the silver clock singing in its way. I jumped up, switched on one of my favorite works of Chris Spheeris' – Carino, popped into the kitchen, grabbed a cup of milk which I merely do as I prefer to have soya as a morning refreshing. But unfortunately, I had just an egg and little milk in store of my huge funny frige in this single apartment. Laundry and shopping was the only thing I should finish today as I had thought. Yet, cheers from Ss, I gotta know the Beijing’s Olympic was going to end today.

 

 

I was such far away from the favor of Olympics, which is still unbelievable now to me. Working seemed to be the marvelous music I’d been ever enjoying, but I did feel a little shame and regretful since I missed the time to be in any part of this great event, even a pure audience. Probably, a few overseas souls would agree that one would never be so proud of his motherland to show the world of its grand until he is standing in the other side of the world, far from his homeland. I bet little lovely Ss would never know the sadness it could be in my mind if I couldn’t see the wonderful ending moment while I had plenty of time to find the possibility. 


Little Ss is such a lovely friend of mine, smart and tender. I wish I could have understood as much as she does in the splendid sea of literacy and Chinese philosophy. Yet I am so far away to surf. The question she landed to me today is what I wish to be if I had been given a birth again. The answer is entirely simple – a stone, which I’ve murmured in front of many friends of mine before. “But why?” she kept asking. I was too keen on searching the possible links for the Olympics’ ending to discuss on such a grey topic to me. It reminds me so many years of tears I’d been through. Fortunately, I was saved.

 

 

It was around 12:52 that I merely lost my confidence in touching such a wonderful moment of the Olympics. Ss kindly notified me of the shopping I should do today because I had no food in store. The supermarket will definitely be closed because of the Bank Holiday when no one would like to spoil their human right in this tranquil island. Just about to leave with tiny sorrow, Zy appeared with regards, who I haven’t talked with for several months and I am absolutely delightful everytime I saw him. It's fun that both of us reach the point that we have already known that the generation gap does exist between us. Also, what I haven't told him is the feeling that sometime I would rather keep silence when I feel gaps between anyone and me.

 

 

 

Trees are trees with leaves reborn year after year, but you would never be able to change their cells thoroughly in the possible frame of yours. Sometimes, you know it gonna happen and it does happen without any chance to change in advance. so called destiny? Or natural circle? Yet one does need help from experienced or encyclopedic ones with good sense, although life of oneself might be amazingly remote from their expectations under very likely higer view of life.

 

 

Zy mentioned that unconventional status after going through miserable life should never be settled in rotten shelter, which I definitely agree and is exactly the steps I am now riding my life towards. After a short conversation with Zy, I met Ss again and I explained why I choose to be a stone and my view of pure nature partly in sense of kidding. Absolutely, I know that Ss is such a genius in philosophy, the spiriturality that I have a long way to reach.

 

 

Surely perfect. Vsible passion from the Beijing's Olympics was filled in my room finally. If you know I rarely sleep which is doomed to kill myself sooner or later, you would understand that I would rather explorating the running event than go shopping for survive. Yet Ss seemed not, partly because she cares me more than myself. While there came the day I had decided to spoil myself again with funs I was longing for, music, books and such a great event in China.

 

 

It was a great performance of Chinese culture and the spiritural again, as rich behind as its openning curtain on 16 days ago, which should remain in the eye of the whole world. Yet we need more comunication as the ouside world seems have less favor in what chinese philosophy exactly brings out. However, I would say there are much more to do besides mutual understanding and support. That is the envrionmental sustainability of development in the whole system of matters and spirits on earth or in universe. 

 

 

After the short splendid ending of the Olympics, I rushed out to the supermarket. I was so lucky that I just picked up all the stuff listed in my mind before the check-out was closed. Belgian chocolate & vanilla mousse, Nandos hot source, Italian pasta, Scotish biscuit, fresh cod and spinach, little plunt and red wine. All in deduction. Diving into a book of Ocsar Wilde's is such a perfect ending of this summer, which led me here, messying around the words to record a day.

 

 

When writing, a warm call from my dear mum, a touched email from Gg, and greetings from Xc and Ss...... Now I am in the light down of the following day. thinking of Ss's words - “空而不着，则物我两忘”...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

------------------------------------------------------

 

在夜色中发呆。火车没有停在站台上。

我却稳稳地坐在窗边，闻着西装袖口上沾着的烟味。
如同这一天的开始，有一重沉溺潜着透明的雨。
没有思绪。
 
 

1。
清晨的电车很空，摇晃着一路呆滞的风景。
我试图对自己微笑，唤醒被噩梦憋坏的舒心。
只是，滂沱的雨似乎更有生气。
下车时出乎意料地拥挤，一字排开的警员在出口处查票。
甩开人群，悠闲地逛到火车站的大厅。
在fast-ticket取上火车票时，离开车还有半个多小时。
随处转了转，找不到NERO，只好在Starbucks要了杯拿铁。
转回１号火车站台，恰巧上车。
 
 
热乎乎的拿铁一饮而尽。翻开记事本画了只小猪。
对座的老头玩着数字游戏。记忆忽而变得清晰。
那是个稀疏的春天，有W、有音乐、有书、还有数字游戏，
一路的风景和快意，困惑与激情，灵犀及愚钝，都不足以确切的描述。
单纯的心，似只蜻蜓，不知是非城池，不懂沧海一粟。
却是再也不能体会的轻盈。
 
 
靠站时，拨通了Ｑ的电话。
没有料想到Ｑ有空来参加我的毕业典礼。
对Ｑ一直心存感激。然而有些话似乎是多余的。
Ｑ的车还有半小时才到，于是转进了书店。
捡起一本No time for goodbye，扫了几眼。
有些怪异，本能地合上了书。翻起西班牙语的辞典。
不由地惦念起上海的书局。
 
 
 
 
2。
同Ｑ喝了一杯，吃了份便餐后坐车赶往学校。
其实只不过两站路，却不想走。有些失策。
脚上小跟啪嗒啪嗒落地的响声在办公室的地毯上踩踩，还不至于太过嚣张。
毕业礼的大厅里，就自在多了。似乎它也找到了“共鸣”。却与我格格不入。
 
 
从一间屋子到另一间屋子，接过入场券、学位服，穿戴齐全，微笑，拍照。
像是个由流水线上包装的娃娃，有说该系统终端慵揽全英学位照的所有服务权。
可我这个成品有些恍惚。
 

走出大厅时才发觉，一身绿袍红襟，外加黑帽金穗，简直１红绿灯。
自己都笑不拢嘴。NL见着了，激动得抓起我的学位帽要耍场大戏。
只是时间有限，赶着去毕业礼的中心礼堂，NL才暂时作罢。
 
 
不一会儿，摄影小牛CCZ、橄榄君FC也赶来助阵。
要不茫茫一片就我和Ｑ属“外星”部落了。
礼堂外，导师一袭红袍笑着迎面而来，说是特地系了有龙字图腾的领带。
很久没见，我的舌头打结，不知怎么开口说话。
幸好他赶着先入场。而我还慢悠悠地去了洗手间，整了整领子。
上楼签到时，门口的老师松了口气，以为我走丢了。
典礼还有几分钟就开始。
 
 

3。
领过入场的座位号——11时，我笑了。
想起午餐时的桌号——21，有些小乐。
众目睽睽中径直走向第一排对从小不适应大场面的我来说难免尴尬，
幸亏看到同年入学的ZW恰好邻座，一时也就忘了。
开心地聊起EastAnglia的游泳馆，直到正式典礼的音乐响起。
 
 
肃穆的风琴声中，领导和老师排队入场就席。
听着校领导的陈述，小宇宙又开始发晕，木木的与身外的任何系统都似乎断了连系。
直到SchoolHead开始念大名，授学位证书，这才醒过来。
 
 
备座位确认名字、临站位再确认大名、不紧不满地走上居中的台阶，
与校领导握手、接过证书、点头致谢、转身谢过SchoolHead，走下侧边的台阶。
短短1分钟里，身后不断的掌声也没能扬起心中任何的激动。
倒是多年前参加友人XQ的毕业礼时感触至深。
 
 
散场后的主题就是拍照，喝酒，甜点，聊天。
礼堂外飘起了雨，ZW拉我呆在树下。导师见了，笑说该在雨里采样。
不知几时SchoolHead来到跟前，问有没有把我的名字念错。
＂Excellent＂我笑了。估计他都练过几遍了吧，很标准。
轻松地聊了许久之后随着人群去往R厅继续SchoolParty。
 
 
坐入宽敞的系接待室时已是4点多。
心有点沉。却毫无来由。
NL、CCZ、Q轮换着穿戴上“红绿灯”合影留念。
 
 
 
4。
晚餐在我喜欢的一家西班牙餐厅。
香槟，红酒，真挚的朋友们。
好想一直喝一直喝，喝到眼泪可以流下来。
 
 
恰逢L的乐队在酒吧演出。
又震撼了一番。
L是系里出类拔萃的年轻教师。。。
 
 
为赶火车，提前出了酒吧，
却还想着再喝一杯。
 
 
 
wrote @ 2am, July19, 2008
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

要很用力很用力。

才能感知。

那些散逸于眼眸之外  

无法替代的句点。

 

深白。

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

两台电脑同时运作，时时保存，该是万无一失，
一周后才知道由于登陆名不同，文件无法交互删改。

 

送午饭的老太真nice，她来过我桌边，我都没感觉到。

于是肚子饿疼了才跑去“闲人勿入”问个究竟。

答案是肯定的，午餐被压在一堆文件下面。

 

...